This post is for teens. What do your parents REALLY mean when they say certain things to you?
When all you hear is, “Blah, blah, blah …. nag, nag, nag,” there is an underlying message.
Pay attention. Your parents have ‘been there, done that’. They speak to you from experience … and love. Listen!!!!
I worry … all of the time! You are the most important thing in my life. If anything every happened to you …. I honestly don’t know what I would do. I know what lurks out there – the dangers that you might unknowingly encounter. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that I don’t necessarily trust everyone else.
Have you heard the saying ‘speed that thrills kills?’ I know that you feel invincible right now. You’re not. I don’t want you to learn this the hard way. Driving is one of the biggest responsibilities that you’ll ever be given. Heaven forbid that anything happen to you. And the brood of friends that travel with you wherever you go? What if something happened to one of them as a result of an accident in which you were the driver??? And insurance? It’s already super expensive to have vehicle insurance as a young person. All of those tickets are reported to your insurance company and cause your insurance rates to sky-rocket.
Believe it or not, teachers don’t assign homework to infringe on your social life. They also don’t control what they teach you. Curriculum is mandated. Although you may not see it, each class that you take is a stepping stone to the next class. If you don’t do it and get it now, school is going to be way harder next year. I want you to have very possible door open for that day when you decide what you want to be when you ‘grow up’. Today, school may not seem important. But down the road, it might. I honestly don’t care if you are an honors student or not. I just want you to always give it your best.
I sometimes see things that you don’t. I try really hard to be accepting of your friend choices; even if I don’t really feel this way. Sometimes, I can’t help but open my mouth to warn you about what I see. I know that this hurts you. You think that I don’t trust your judgement. I do. I want to try and save you from hurting down the road when that friendship goes south. People get judged by those they associate this. I know you. And I want everyone to know the ‘you’ that I know. I don’t want people to think something about you that isn’t true, but is based only upon those you hang out with.
I want you to have fun and be able to buy what you want. Really, I do. But I also want you to learn about the true value of money. I want you to start saving now. I wish that I had started saving sooner. Your generation is going to feel the impacts of the high price of things (homes, vehicles, trips, etc.) more than my generation ever did. I want you to live a comfortable life.
I worry that you don’t get enough sleep. You burn the candle at both ends. Between school, work, homework, sports, and your social life, you’re always on the go. I worry that you’re going to burn out – or get sick. And, truth be told, when you’re sleeping, you’re home. You’re here, with me. You’re safe. I worry less.
I can appreciate that ‘hot’ is where it’s at. I was there once too. But, time has shown me that the good-looking guy/girl, may not be so handsome/beautiful on the inside. Look at WHO a person is. Stop focusing on WHAT a person is. I know how hard this is. But, I don’t want you to let someone wonderful slip through your fingers because s/he didn’t look a certain way. You will reach a point in your life where you will start to focus more on ‘what’s inside’. I just wish you could reach this point sooner. There are many fabulous people that could be a significant part of your life – if you’d let them. I want you to listen to a song by The Northern Pike – She Ain’t Pretty.
My generation doesn’t understand your generation. I didn’t have a cell phone when I was in high school. And if I had, I definitely wouldn’t have had all of the apps that you have So ultimately, I just don’t get it. I try. But I fail. I simply can’t wrap my head around the fact that you need to instantly pick up your phone when it sends you a ping, ding, or whatever your sound notification is. I don’t get the social etiquette of teens and their phones today. I don’t get why you have to immediately open some snaps, but have to let others sit unopened for a few days. I don’t get why you always have to know where all of your friends are. I worry that you spend too much time comparing yourself to others who present their best life through a world of filters that leave you feeling inadequate and inferior. I worry about the creeps out there who have all sorts of tactics to get what they want from you before you even realize what has happened. I worry about online bullying … and if you’d even let me know if it was happening to you. When you’re with me – our family – but on your phone, you’re not really with us. I miss you. When we’re together, I want us to really be together.
The words you speak to others can – and in many cases will – last a lifetime. Sometimes you say hurtful things. I know that you’ve just forgotten to engage your brain to mouth filter. I will always forgive you for what you say. Others won’t. I want you to count to 3 before you say something when you’re angry. Don’t use the words ‘I love you’ too quickly with your boyfriends/girlfriends. I want you to be mindful of your language when others are around. I know that you speak differently when you’re with your friends. I did too. But always know who is around and recognize that they could overhear what you’ve said. You need to be cautious about spreading gossip. In fact, I want you to avoid gossip at all costs.
The number of likes that your post receives does not define who you are. You are amazing – without likes being attached to your posts. Never compare yourself or your life to people you see on social media. People tend to over-exaggerate on social media and make excessive use of filters so that they look better. Don’t get caught in that trap. Be real. See your own value.
I get that your friends are important and that you want to look ‘cool’ in front of them. This should never be an excuse for treating your siblings poorly or making derogatory comments about other family members. There is a saying – blood is thicker than water. Family is blood. Family is the group of people that you can ALWAYS count on. They will ALWAYS have your back. Be mindful of the fact that your parents and grandparents won’t always be around. Make time for them. A quick text or phone call – an ‘I love you’ – has profound impacts on your family. Never hang up on a family member. Never speak unkindly to a family member and leave it at that. What if that was the last interaction that you had with that person??
Quite frankly, what I see and hear on the news scares me to death … for you. Knives, guns, robberies … it’s not safe out there. Always watch who is around you – especially if you are alone. If you’re at a party, watch your drink. Cover it and never set it down. If you do set it down, leave it. If someone shows up with a weapon, leave. Immediately!
You are so good at so many things! Others may not be as good as you … in sports, athletics, etc. You should be proud about all of your talents and skills. But, you should also be humble. Bragging about your strengths can have the unintentional consequence of putting others down or making them feel inferior. Don’t do this. Everyone has skills and talents. People see them – but don’t always point them out. You’re amazing. You know it and I know it. It’s not your job to let others know it. Even though they may not tell you, they know you’re amazing.
Intuition is a powerful thing. Don’t second guess it! When something doesn’t feel right, it’s usually not. If someone that you meet gives you bad vibes, pay attention. Sometimes, you’ll find yourself in situations where others are doing something that doesn’t sit well with you. Make an excuse and get out of there quick. You can always use me as your excuse!
There is a common thread – a trend – in all of those things that I say to you. I say them because I love you. I don’t say them to annoy you or to take away your fun. I say them because I know. I was young once too. I’d rather you learn from MY mistakes than to have to watch you make them on your own.
Don’t be misled into thinking that I say those things to you because I’m angry … or I don’t trust you … or that I’m old and paranoid. Everything that I say to you, everything that I do … comes from a place of love deeper than you could ever know.
I get that sometimes you feel that I’m not being fair. I can appreciate that you feel this way. But, I need you to appreciate how I feel. You are my most precious gift and I never want anything bad to happen to you. I want you to be safe, happy, and healthy. Always.
I know that it’s tough being a teen. Although you forget this, I was a teen once too. Life will get better. It will get easier. I will get off your case. Not completely off – but I will start to chill.
I can accept the eye rolls, the back talk, the slamming of the door when you don’t like what I say. I did the same thing to my parents. I never really understood why they always seemed to be on my case … until the moment that I first held you in my arms. Honestly, it feels like it was just yesterday. In the blink of an eye, you were grown up.
I love you. I love you. I love you. All that I say, all that I do …. is because I love you.
If anything in this post resonated with you, you might be interested in the Advice For My Teenager posts.
Please head over to my Teens page for more articles on life with teenagers.
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