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As I watch my own children navigate their way through their teen years and through high school, I can’t help but think about that old cliché, “These are the best days of your life.” I sure hope that this isn’t the case for today’s youth.
Don’t get me wrong. There are tons of fun times to be had in high school. Loads of them. But, if this is the best that it gets, I’m worried.
Yes, there are people whose high school years were the best of their lives. Perhaps they ‘peaked’ in their teen years. Or maybe they were the all-mighty popular and powerful ones.
But, this is not the case for most high school students.
You know those slow flies? The ones that are still around when the fall weather hits and the temperatures start to drop? They seem dazed … confused. They buzz around aimlessly, bumping into walls. They shake it off and fly off again, in a different direction – bumping into wall after wall.
These slow flies remind me of many teens. Each bump into the wall symbolizes the different identities and friend groups that teens try on throughout high school.
Some teens never go through the slow fly phase. They know who they are, what they are, and never stray far from their moral compass. They exude confidence and self-esteem and are able to stand their ground against the toughest of people and situations.
Other teens, however, spend a fair bit of time bumping into those walls.
Fortunately, they eventually morph from slow flies to adults. They figure out who they are, what they are, and they establish that moral compass.
But, the journey to get to this point is not usually an easy one. The pressures that teens experience until they find themselves and fit in – on their own terms – are immense, overwhelming, and, often, heart-breaking.
Today’s teens are growing up in a world that is strange to me – and super tough for them. That’s not to say that teen years were a breeze when I was growing up. But the struggles were different. And, dare I say, easier?? At the very last, the struggles that I experienced in high school are very different from the struggles that today’s teens face.
I grew up in a time when social media didn’t exist. I never had to worry that my every move and every word could be permanently recorded – saved by someone who might want to use it against me someday.
I grew up in a time where my location wasn’t 24/7 accessible to others.
I grew up in a time where I didn’t have to validate my self-worth by the number of likes my posts received.
I grew up in a time where I didn’t have to use filters to make my life seem just as good, or even better, than others.
I grew up in a time where bullies had to actually stand face-to-face to their victims – or had to call them on the phone to torment them. Back then, bullies couldn’t post those hurtful words and images while hiding behind the screen of a phone or computer monitor, sometimes anonymously.
I grew up in a time when it was relatively ‘easy’ (for lack of a better word) to get accepted into a post-secondary institute.
I grew up in a time where one’s worth wasn’t measured by the university that they attended or the number of credentials behind their name.
I grew up in a time where it was okay to not go to college or university.
I grew up in a time when the pressure to be the best at everything just didn’t exist for most.
I grew up in a time where I wasn’t judged because my family didn’t have the ‘newest’ and ‘best’ of everything.
I grew up in a time where most of society didn’t identity majority of teens as being ‘bad’.
I grew up in a time where people stopped to help others in trouble instead of pulling out a phone and recording it to post on social media to earn likes and views.
I grew up in a time where I didn’t have to worry about someone spiking my drink at a party.
I grew up in a time where I felt safe going to parties and didn’t have to worry about people showing up with guns or knives.
I grew up in a time where I felt safe walking home at night.
I grew up in a time where the concept of a gang (in relation to gangs today) was relatively foreign to most.
I grew up in a time where I could set my belongings down and not worry that someone would steal them.
I grew up in a time where I wasn’t judged or ridiculed by the clothing I wore or the car I drove.
I grew up in a time where I worked hard for material possessions and opportunities and didn’t ‘expect’ these things to be given to me.
Somehow, our children cope, manage, and make it through high school and those teens years. Some don’t fare as well. Their emotional wounds are deep. All is takes is a look at the rising mental health issues of youth today for this point to be validated. That, in itself, is another post.
Look back again at the Big Problems. Most teens are able to navigate through these problems and exit high school relatively (and I use this term loosely) unscathed. Through years of self-exploration, instability, and confusion, our teens gain confidence and find a sense of direction in life. This is when the big change occurs.
When our teens break through to the other side, this is when they start to experience the best days of their lives.
They are no longer slow flies bumping into walls. They know who they are, what they are, and what they will and will not tolerate in life.
They shake off the social media debacle and start to put less value on the opinion of others.
They realize that job satisfaction comes from doing what you love to do, not from degrees from prestigious institutes.
They understand that one can, usually, avoid the ‘dark side’ of society by choice.
They begin to look at others as people – real people. In fact, they begin to practice the old adages it’s what’s inside that counts and you can’t judge a book by its cover.
Essentially, our teens have broken free from the constraints of the teenage years. That confusion and instability is, for the most part, gone. With that, comes a sense of empowerment.
If you enjoyed this post, I encourage you to head to my Teens page for more thoughts on raising teens.
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