I will protect my kids to the ends of the earth. Hurt my children, you’re now messing with me – Momma Bear. A Momma Bear with rabies.
I would do anything for my 2 children. Anything.
Apart from the death of a child, I believe that one of the most painful things for a parent is when her children hurt. I’m not necessarily speaking of physical injuries; although those also hurt. I’m talking about when children hurt inside. When someone, usually a friend, hurts them. Those internal wounds run soooooo deep!
Boys – they’re different. Easier, in my opinion. At least my son is. He doesn’t have that internal conflict with his friends like my daughter and her friends have. When my son has a fight with a friend, it’s usually over almost as quickly as it started. There are no repercussions. They simply move on, together.
Daughters? A bit more challenging, I think. Many a night, I have sat with my teenage daughter as she sobbed in my arms … those deep, gasping sobs where she couldn’t catch her breath. I’ve held her tightly, thinking that if I pulled her close enough, held her long enough, I could take her pain away.
In these moments, my Momma Bear instincts kick into high gear.
Like a junior high girl, I get nasty. My brain to mouth filter completely disengages. I go from educated, professional mother to mean girl in less than 5 seconds. I say things like “I never liked her”, “She’s no good”, “She’s on a fast train to nowhere in life”, “She’s this”, or “She’s that”.
More than once, that friendship might have been able to be repaired. But the damage has been done. I can’t take those words back. I know that they sit in the back of my daughter’s mind. They make her second guess her friendship. After all, I am the wiser adult. I am her Mom. Mom knows best (so I have led her to believe).
What I do know, is that I will say almost anything to take my child’s pain away. My brain doesn’t register the long-term repercussions of my words.
Although I ‘think’ that when I go into Momma bear mode I am supporting my children and strengthening our relationship, I suspect that the opposite is the case. I think that my ‘don’t you dare hurt my cubs’ mentality may mean that my kids don’t share everything with me. Instead of talking to me about why they are hurting, they keep their worry and pain bottled up inside. They are likely wiser than me in these situations. They don’t want to me spewing negative comments. So, they hide their pain.
My children, I vow that – moving forward – I am putting Momma Bear into hibernation. I promise to give this my best shot.
This is going to take a lot of effort on my part. When your heart is breaking, so is mine. But I promise to try.
I’m going to hold you close. I’m going to hold you for as long as you need. Longer, in fact. I’m going to listen. I’m not going to react. I’m not going to judge. I’m going to think before I speak. I’m going to adult and tame the mean girl inside of me. I am going to love you. Forever.
I’m going to screw up. 100% – I am going to instinctively react and unleash the beast. But this won’t be on purpose. Why? Because, right or wrong, good or bad ….
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Mommas supporting Mommas!!!
