Once upon a time, our children wanted nothing more than to spend time with us. We were their everything, their world.
Almost overnight, there is a shift. We are no longer their world. They don’t seem to want to spend much time with us. Everything changes.
Friends and boyfriends/girlfriends step in to fill our shoes. Their ideas, thoughts, and opinions take precedence over ours. They are the ones that our children turn to for advice. They are the ones with whom our ‘children’ share their deepest secrets and wildest dreams.
Although it’s hard for us to remember, we were there too – albeit a long time ago. Like our own teens, we spread our wings and began to stray from the nest. Exposed to a world that we had never before experienced, we’d return home with a bit of … sass (?) … attitude (?).
Our parents, who once knew everything, now seemed to know nothing. We would question everything that our parents said; often doing the exact opposite of what they told us. We retaliated with a sometimes-silent-sometimes-vocal pushback to their archaic ideas, their over-protective attitude, and their endless expectations.
But, we came back. Some sooner than others. But, we did come back. We returned to our parents with an appreciation and a respect much deeper than we could ever have imagined.
Now it’s our turn to watch our incredible young babies spread their wings and explore. And we have to wait … for what will seem like an eternity.
We’ll hold our breath when our teens show complete disregard (and sometimes contempt) for our ideas, expectations, and sometimes rules. We’ll cry – likely a lot. We’ll shout – our words often falling on deaf ears. And we’ll love – unconditionally; to infinity and beyond.
Our teens will return to us, just as we did to our parents. The process will be so gradual that we won’t even realize that it’s happening. We’ll simply wake up one day and realize that our teen has come back to us. Some will return in the teen years, others as adults. It doesn’t really matter when they return. What matters is that they do return.
We have to accept that our relationship will never be the same. We will never be their world – their everything – again. But, we will always be important; an integral part of their lives.
They will again turn to us for advice. They’ll seek our thoughts, opinions, and ask for input. They’ll digest this information. They’ll listen. They’ll follow through.
Until our teens get to this ‘renewed’ stage, we have to, as parents, be patient. We have to accept their independence. We have to accept who our children are and who they have become.
Even if we completely disagree, we have to accept their choices, their decisions. Sometimes, we have to stand by patiently and watch them falter and struggle. We have to bite our tongues and avoid saying, “I told you so” or “If only you had listened to me.” We need to be there to help them pick the pieces up.
We have to love them unconditionally.
If we love them unconditionally …. if we support them …. if we bite our tongues …. they will come back.
I encourage you to head over to my Teens page for more articles on raising teens.
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