It is almost a rite of passage for teens to have their own cell phones these days.
But with this ‘rite’ (yes, I know this is the incorrecnt spelling – I’m making a play on ‘rite of passage) comes responsibilities.
Once something that only the wealthy could afford, most of us now own a cell phone. They have become an extra appendage; particularly for teens and tweens who have grown up being surrounded by technology. Most teens can’t imagine a life where you couldn’t instantly ‘connect’.
The purpose of a cell phone is to keep people connected, regardless of the distance. Unfortunately, many take this ‘connection’ to a new and unintended level. Cell phones connect us to a plethora of social media platforms. It is through exposure to these platforms that many teens (and adults) ‘judge’ themselves and try to ‘improve/enhance’ social status – often by degrading, bullying, and humiliating others.
As a former high school counselor and in my current position as an Assistant Principal in a high school in a major Canadian city, I see the negative impacts of cell phones and social media. That, however, is a post all in itself!
Maybe, just maybe, if we ‘impose'(??) some guidelines (a nice synonym for ‘rules’) on our teens and tweens who are just getting their first phone, we can morph them into ‘better’ cell phone users and, in turn, make the world a social media a kinder and more respectful place???!!?? Here’s hoping!
Both of my children (now in grade 12 and grade 10) were given their cell phones when they entered junior high / middle school. Technically, they didn’t ‘need’ a cell phone. After all, my main desire to give them a phone was to stay connected with them when we were apart. But, my children attended the same school that I was working at. (Good for me, not so good for them!).
I succumbed to the ‘I want them to fit in’ thing. After all, virtually everyone they knew had a cell phone. Many of their friends had received their first cell phone as early as grade 3! Zero judgement there. As parents, we all do what we think is best for our own children. You do you, Mommas! I got your back!
I spoke extensively with my children about their first cell phone prior to handing it over. And, while many may disagree with my next course of action (let’s reflect back on the ‘we do what we think is best for our own children’ and ‘you do you, Mommas’ comments), I had both of my children sign a contract.
The contract below worked perfectly for me and my children. It may not work for you and your children. Again, you do you, Momma.
Feel free to peruse the contract. If it might work for you and your tween/teen, you can download this contract at the end of this post.
Cell Phone: Responsibilities & Contract
Dear _____________________,
CONGRATS! You’ve proven yourself mature and responsible enough for your own cell phone. Given that you have a new cell phone in your hands, I obviously trust you to make good decisions—so why am I making you sign this lame thing that’s loaded with stuff that you probably already know? Well, let me get to the point. A cell phone is more than a piece of technology. If used incorrectly, it can be a weapon that puts your safety at risk. You’ve always been a great kid, and I want to make sure that you continue making smart choices. The goal of this agreement is to make sure that you’re always safe and happy—and that we always maintain a direct and open line of communication. I’m asking you to always use your phone for good and to ask for help from me when a situation leaves you feeling scared or unsure. Please review this contract, and be sure to ask me any questions that you may have.
With love,
Mom
I understand that the rules below are for my safety and that my Mom loves me more than anything in the world. I understand that my Mom wants to give me freedom, while also giving me enough security to make smart choices.
Initial here: ______
I promise that my Mom will always know my phone passwords. I understand that my Mom has a right to look at my phone whenever she feels it’s necessary.
Initial here: ______
I will hand the phone to my Mom promptly at ________ pm every school night and every weekend night at ________ pm. I will get it back in the morning.
Initial here: ______
I will not send or receive naked photos.
Initial here: ______
I promise I will tell my Mom if I receive suspicious or alarming phone calls or text messages from people I don’t know. I will also tell my Mom if I am being harassed by someone through social media.
Initial here: ______
I will NEVER use my phone or social media to bully or tease anyone, even if my friends think it’s funny.
Initial here: ______
I will make an effort to learn phone and internet etiquette. I understand this is an extension of normal manners. I will turn off, silence, and put my phone away in public–especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being.
Initial here: ______
I will not lie about where I have been or how I am using the phone. I promise to answer questions openly, honestly, and directly.
Initial here: ______
I promise that I will do my best to not go over our plan’s monthly minutes or data usage. If I do, I understand that I may be responsible for paying any additional charges or that I may lose my cell phone privileges.
Initial here: ______
I understand that I am responsible for knowing where my phone is, and for keeping it in good condition. In keeping with this theme, I will NOT let anyone use my phone.
Initial here: ______
I understand that my cell phone may be taken away if my Mom thinks that I have ‘crossed the line’ in any facet of life or if I don’t keep my grades up.
Initial here: ______
I promise to put my cell phone away during homework time and that my homework takes priority over my phone.
Initial here: ______
I promise to obey any rules my school has regarding cell phones, such as turning it off during class, or keeping it in my locker.
Initial here: ______
I will not send embarrassing photos of my family or friends to others. In addition, I will not use my phone’s camera to take embarrassing photos of others.
Initial here: ______
I promise that I won’t post pictures of anyone on social media unless I have their permission.
I understand that having a cell phone is a privilege, and that if I fail to adhere to this contract, my cell phone privilege may be revoked.
Initial here: ______
If needed, I may help pay for the cost of the phone and/or for excess charges that I incur without permission from my Mom.
Initial here: ______
Cell Phone Contract: Parent Responsibilities
I promise to make myself available to answer any questions you might have about owning a cell phone and using it responsibly.
Initial here: ______
I recognize that, as a new cell phone owner, you might make some mistakes. I promise to not get angry if you come to me and tell me what you have done. Rather, I will give you advice that will make better decisions in the future.
Initial here: ______
I will support you when you alert me to an alarming message or text message that you have received. When this happens, I promise to talk with you about what action needs to be taken.
Initial here: ______
I will alert you if our cell phone plan changes and impacts the plan’s minutes.
Initial here: ______
I will give you ____ warning(s) before I take your cell phone away.
Initial here: ______
Signed ______________________________ (_____________)
Signed ______________________________ (Mom)
Date ______________________________
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Mommas supporting Mommas!!!
