A place for Mommas to learn, share, grow, and vent.

The Key To Success For Youth

Is Post-Secondary Education Necessary To Be Successful?

What do you want to be when you grow up?  In my opinion, we ask young people that question way too often and way too early.  We lay down unrealistic expectations on today’s youth by leading them to believe that success is defined by credentials and money.

Parental Misguidance

I have 2 children; a 19-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old son.  My daughter started university this fall, studying psychology.  When my son finishes high school, he plans on attending university to study business; the finance side.

 

I sometimes wonder if they both opted for university because they feel that it is an expectation.  I suspect that, over the years, I may have unknowingly led my children to believe that they had to – needed to – pursue a post-secondary education.  I sure hope not.  But I suspect otherwise.

 

I earned my Bachelor of Education long before my children were born.  My daughter was fresh into high school and my son was in junior high when I earned a Graduate Certificate in Foundations of School & Counseling Psychology, a Graduate Diploma in Supporting & Enhancing Children’s Mental Health, and a Masters in Education.  I can vividly recall telling them that these credentials would see me making more money and open job possibilities with more … prestige (for lack of a better word).  In essence, I forced upon my children the notion that more credentials would equate to a better life.

Pressures & Expectations

Not everyone is destined to attend post-secondary.  Some don’t want to go, others would like to, but don’t have the grades and/or the money to get in.

 

When I was a high school counselor, I recall meeting with a grade 12 student.  He told me that he wanted to go into engineering.  When I asked which area of engineering, he looked confused.  He said, “What do you mean?”  He had no idea that one had to ‘specialize’.  When I asked him what it was about engineering that appealed to him and why he wanted to study this, he said, “My Mom says I should.”

 

It was a long talk, with lots of probing questions.  Turns out that this young many really wanted to be a plumber.  I called his Mom.  I explained our conversation.  Long story short, she hung up on me.  Her last words were (and I recall them vividly), “How dare you try to talk my son out of becoming an engineer?” 

 

I didn’t talk her son out of anything.  I listened to him.  I asked him questions about what he liked and what he was good at.  If anything, I tried to talk her son into living the life that HE wanted to live.

 

I knew that her son would never get into the program.  His grades were not even close to the admission average.  He applied to 2 schools.  Both declined him.  He was devastated.  When he walked out the doors of our high school for the last time, he told me that his Mom had signed him to upgrade his classes so that he could improve his grades and get into engineering.

 

Fast forward to 8 years later.  I ran into this student at Klondike Days (our city’s annual fair/carnival).  He had become a journeyman plumber and told me that he loved his job. He said that it took a few years for both him and his Mom to realize that he needed to follow his own dream, not hers.

Understanding Success (Quality of Life)

Somehow, someway, society has perpetuated the idea that post-secondary education is necessary, almost mandatory.  This attitude screams that success can only be achieved by a degree or credentials behind one’s name.  I say, “Pffffftttt.”  There are plenty of highly successful people out there without post-secondary education – Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are the first 2 that come to my mind.

 

Of course, we need to first define success before making assumptions about being successful in life.  I am guilty (alongside the masses, I would assume) in automatically equating success with money …. and, to some degree, power In reality, success should be defined by happiness and fulfillment.

 

I remember teaching a social 10-1 class.  The topic was quality of life.  I began by asking my students what they felt was important and necessary for life to be great.  They provided relatively obvious answers – money, power, cars, holidays, the latest of everything, etc. 

 

To help them understand that our quality of life (aka success) cannot and should not be measured by money (material items), I read them a story from Caring for Young People’s Rights – The Critical Thinking Consortium. I implore you to read the stories of Emma and Jose.  Click on the link and read pages 14-16 of pdf (labelled as pages 61-62 at the bottom of the pages).

 

Before we go pushing our ideals and opinions on our children, I think that we all need to be mindful of what we learned from Emma and Jose.  Armed with this understanding, we need to stop equating money and ‘stuff’ with success and stop assuming that success begins with credentials and degrees.

 

We also need to stop trying to live vicariously through our children.  Just because we didn’t fulfill our own goals in life doesn’t mean that our children should have to fulfill them for us. 

The Danger of Perpetuating The Myth

When we convey the message that young people should (which sounds like ‘must’ in their minds) attend post-secondary, how does that impact those whose education culminates with a high school diploma … or heaven forbid (sarcasm intended), a grade 10 or 11 education?  In general, we make this group of young people feel … worthless …. inadequate …. ‘less than’.  Reread this paragraph.  Digest it.

 

Having been a high school counselor for close to 15 years, hundreds and hundreds of students passed through my office doors.  My message was the same to each and every one of these students.

 

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!!

 

I always run into former students when I am out and about.  Inevitably, I ask, “So, what are you doing with your life these days?”  It breaks my heart when so many of them look down and say, “Oh, I’m JUST a grocery clerk … a labourer … daycare worker … construction worker … etc.”  I applaud them.  I say, “That’s fabulous!!!!  Good for you!!!”  I then ask, “Are you happy?  Can you pay your bills?  Is life fun?”  Usually, the answer is, “Yes!” 

 

This is what it’s all about – being happy.

 

If you’re still trying to figure out – what would make you happy – try doing an aptitude test.  These tests are good at helping to assess not only what you’re good at, but also what you like.

Time To Stop With The Distorted Reality

To all of the young people out there who have zero intentions or pursuing post-secondary – to all of the young people out there who are anxiously awaiting a post-secondary acceptance that may never come …. IT’S OKAY!!!!!!

 

You are not defined by the level of your education.  A post-secondary education does not and will not make or break you.

 

You have a place in this world.  Find it.  Do it.  If you’re not happy when you get there, change your path.  Your goal in life shouldn’t be credentials and degrees.  Your goal in life is happiness.  YOUR happiness. 

 

If you are happy, fulfilled, and have a circle of people who are your tribe and dance your dance , believe me when I say, “You HAVE made it!”  You are a success!  In fact, it is safe to say that you are even more successful than that over-worked CEO who, by societal standards, wears the badge of success.  He touts his power and his money, but behind closed doors, he is exhausted, unhappy, and disconnected. 

 

To all of the young people who are out there – with no post-secondary education – who are contributing to society, are happy and fulfilled, and are enjoying life, you are success!!!

If you enjoyed this post, I encourage you to head to my  Teens  page.

 

Specifically, I encourage you to read  Advice For My Teenager – Daily Life & Careers.